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Sound Waves Are Killing Me And I Love It

by Sterling Bidler

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1.
Disgusting Arrangement 02:46
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You’ll be inside my mind Until it hits the ground Drink this pesticide As I’m deep in the ground Remember this remember it Disgusting arrangement x4 You’ll be inside my Inside my mind You’ll be there forever Within this Disgusting arrangement
2.
Trapped In A Tooth 07:36
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I’ve been in this jaw all my life But they say bastard you know nothing They say to clench your fist and shake it at the sky But you really should do nothing You’ll be stuck in a prison for hours each day Fighting for your freedom to suffer I would kick the legs out from under their throne But I’m x4 Trapped in a tooth And there’s no way out You complain about the torture you’re given But you just can’t find out the source So you blame it on something random Your self hatred still hasn’t ran it’s course I’ve seen what that infantile mindset does to people But you really couldn’t give a damn A part of Hitler lodged deep inside you Ready to blame your fellow man I would be in the street burning this empire down But you know I’m, know I’m x8 Trapped in a tooth And there’s no way out I know what must be done But I’m afraid to say There needs to be something new, a better way I’ll break this jaw to break you free x3
3.
Epilogue 04:44
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Watching you limp Like a half dead stray It was simple Why did you change it Choke on this knife and realize This name you knew was begotten In an open fire that rages Longer than our lives You circle around my marrow And hope for more time What was meant Inside I tie you In power lines Dead wrists We’re suspects Embalmed sons In helpless minds Scars in iron eyes bewitch My solar flare soaked belly The dust that covers the earth Gets washed out by your amber I carry this torch And replace its name with mine Crawl Fucking crawl (x8) Warped dead skin like a leather scalpel Forked tongues circle around me A heart of gold could never beat Grey smoke burns me at the stake There’s no connection to what you know A tether has shattered down the road The bridge you made I jumped from And from those depths I rise above You prayed I failed So you could control There’s nothing left for me to give I’ll let you write my epitaph Born to drown Spineless & suited The story’s done Chance my epilogue
4.
Counting To Zero 04:56
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Left alone with arrhythmia of your delta waves Trapped in cages, I know you’re history you’re hollow Disconnected side glance what your eyes follow Stop talking I know it’s not natural What it feels like, it’s just like quicksand So quick to dig your teeth into my hands Burning blood of a casket it’s in my home Right now it’s time to count to zero Six feet under my tunnel vision it’s near Though your time is nil it’s so penetrable Snow angel dragon dancing found us face down Negative nothing it’s time now Why do you desire to feel small like me? Hubris crushed by the weight of defeat Burning buildings as far as you can see Angel ravaged by man’s eye clearly I can’t speak It’s so unnatural Why let me breathe Please god unfold (x2) Feel this light i feel your eyes Locked in skintight I know it’s right I do this so my life gets controlled Extend a glance then do drumrolls Hard to speak but it’s even harder to give a fuck Can’t articulate my way out of the serpents gut Torn to shreds a glass eye is left standing I’ll die before I get branded Visions blur my eyes until it’s blinding Decapitated to be released from this binding My blood in the sand writes a message in your prose I think now it’s time to count to zero Why do you desire to feel small like me? Hubris crushed by the weight of defeat Burning buildings as far as you can see Angel ravaged by man’s eye clearly I can’t speak It’s so unnatural Why let me breathe Please god unfold (x2)
5.
. 02:00
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6.
Catch The Bus 05:34
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In the darkest night I find you there Wishing something that wouldn’t change did Clutching on for nothing what gives Here’s a pillow if you fall down Crutches for your wings if you need them Burning passion that I’ve never found Castaway, one spell I condemn My souls been cauterized Now remove my life Why should I continue this drawn out sigh Shoot my ashes into the sky I’ve been waiting for way too long Years ago I was done Now distress sings my song It feels like I’m the only one A neck full of glass On my corner step I’ve been kept around under duress Useless mind you can have it I’m just way too far gone It’s been that way for ever Maybe if I catch it It’ll be better You better catch the bus, you better catch the bus, you better catch it x2 You gotta catch the bus, you gotta catch the bus, you gotta catch it x2
7.
Beyond Denial 03:48
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Moving so far Beyond this nothing path Been traveling since forever All it’s done is crash Shadows sneak across your wall Open mouth full of arrows Since we’re way far gone We can stare at the crosshairs Is it all the same Or do you taste the blood air Calling your name As you thrash like a trapped bear Is it all the same Or do you taste the blood air Coursing through my veins Withered beyond denial Life cycle’s been frozen The stress of a character Destruction of archetype It’s becoming clearer Crushed by machines Empty status reached In the state of eventually Hope is downstream Is it all the same Or do you taste the blood air Calling your name As you thrash like a trapped bear Is it all the same Or do you taste the blood air Coursing through my veins Withered beyond denial
8.
Bright Screeching Whispers 03:50
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I saw the grey smoke rise out of your fingertips The familiar candle scent engages in brute force ecstasis Like dissolved closed caskets partaking in brutal exodus You’ll find the beautiful body torture & something brighter than your skyline The skin of a soul attached to a clothesline Grieve your contempt and breath in the confusing alchemy Just don’t attach yourself Why so frail? Did you love the crash? Why so frail? The gold was chosen Why so frail? Did your sides fall? Why so frail? The pain so strong The bright screeching whispers torture me x2
9.
Mirrors 06:00
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Watching from the tower The eyes become sober In the amber, I rest until Summer ends your minds will Do not relate You know someone’s watching Outside my normal state A mirror stares into the sky Hissing fans corner me Burning while I sleep Sounds awry I’m too gone What’s been lost can’t be found Unless the sun sets We’re distilled in unrest Book full of epitaphs A full body skin graft Blood spilled in the carpet I know it’s been started Cross my eyes beyond the line And hope for more time Do not relate You know someone’s watching Outside my normal state A mirror stares into the sky Hissing fans corner me Burning while I sleep Sounds awry I’m too gone What’s been lost can’t be found
10.
? 02:33
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Found deep inside you I watched you drown When the scent was missed Dressed in rusted gowns And I waited Years for this moment Your blood covers the sky now As your eyes watch from my palm
11.
Same Scent 04:39
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My eyes were resting on the pavement, chalk drawings of a scene to create, little nettles cover me, in your room sized belly I’ve come to be unborn What I see in a field of fire Struck down at the mirrors edge You wrote it in the snow with your blood Tearing cells the moment I could God knows how long this fires been burning But a sea of contempt keeps putting it out In a split second it could all be over Other wise the tables have turned We drink the witches blood Your wet skin hits the ground hard Tied in cables, this bondage is payment Cursed with having the same scent Reasons unsolved, motive beyond knowledge All I know is that I gotta stop it Atrophied from all the misuse Pleasure seeking is the truest abuse I fell down Fell down to the rivers edge Haunted in the same way You know I couldn’t face it I wanna feel like I’m out of time It’s been so long since I’ve almost died Hammer to my skull the softest impact Unborn with my sanity intact Keep screaming until we’re all sick No pain just love on my wrist Zero notes, my headspace aborted Don’t leave until it’s all sorted The scabs of life cover my knuckles Exit wounds are back in style I met the slayer at your birthday party The last moment will be spent laughing Sun cycles are spent indoors It’s just a story but it’s all I know Wrestled fools into the ground The ride won’t stop until we’re sober We drink the witches blood Your wet skin hits the ground hard Tied in cables, this bondage is payment Cursed with having the same scent Reasons unsolved, motive beyond knowledge All I know is that I gotta stop it Atrophied from all the misuse Pleasure seeking is the truest abuse
12.
Stars Kneel 05:17
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I’ve been born dead, and I can’t stop Break the lights above, destroy my brain You scared me, where are my pills at Organs spill, it’s so orgasmic My blood’s alive, release it Locked in the spiral stairs, I’m not even I need to be drowned I want you to drown me I need to be killed I want you to kill me I really was too far gone But don’t try to save me I’ve seen the stars kneel Do you want to watch them with me? The days are gone I feel Like the massive clouds I see x2
13.
The Mind Controller 17:23
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Doors Doors open to something I can’t comprehend now But the scene has set Death from Fallen graces Beyond this I rise now It’s so beyond nothing And we’ve all been Thrown into the sea Brand the name in time Carved with the sharpest knife I feel my veins freezing As this world dissolves This timeline has been absolved From what I won’t admit Head full of nothing But it won’t quit I’d wanna stop it But I’d be useless This room floods with chloroform The screech of pain goes away I’ll make sure to count my blessings To the mind controller I know the mind controller I feel it’s pure grace Fix this disturbance And numb the pain Bring me the solvent I just met the shadow man Red choirs dance in my head As I break away I know the mind controller I feel it’s pure grace Fix this disturbance And numb the pain I thought it was beyond denial I thought I saw the stars kneel Forever trapped in this toxic waste This garbage is my special place My breath is anonymous The taste of everything at once Found dead behind the clock tower With a jawline full of radium The snake oil looked & tasted like water It dripped from the leaves of the giving tree I lay in my ashes As I’m enveloped in the jimsonweed Before I forget how the time passed on I’ll let you carve my sigil in my spine It’ll be so beautiful This mess is so fucking divine A thousand swords fell from the night sky Into the laps of the parasites I finally met ends meet This coil tied by your hands You know I got too close to the shadow Fly on the wall I look down on you They caught you walking in the meadow I said that’s what I do We all just pulled down to the pavement In my mind I look back at the arrangement Never knew I’d be so close to the payment Death in my head you know I’ve seen it I told you now I found out It’s all bloody now The heart echos twice more Until I find the fabric Just leave my shoes at the door Fuck fuck fuck fuck Again x8 I’m at the end of the cycle The gatekeeper passes me through As I travel onward I’m born anew I know the mind controller I feel it’s pure grace Fix this disturbance And numb the pain x8

about

an audio diary of my life last year
special thanks to everyone that likes what i do

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released January 5, 2024

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Sterling Bidler Des Moines, Iowa

experimental musician out of iowa. hit me up if you want to collab

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